You Are Enough: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms

Turning comparisons around amidst today's comparison trap.

Being a new mom is hard work – lack of sleep, feeding difficulties, schedule adjustments, and just pure exhaustion can make any new mom feel overwhelmed, but unfortunately, in today’s society, new moms also face the comparison trap.

Social Media Comparisons

In recent times, it has become the norm for new moms to endure baby comparisons or mom comparisons, but with the popularity of social media, new moms can now compare themselves with other moms 24/7.

Social media has made it even easier for us, as moms, to see what we’re not doing or doing wrong. It’s like keeping up with the Joneses on steroids. And for a new mom who is barely keeping it together, seeing other new moms who have lost all the baby weight, look perfectly made up, and are out and about with their perfectly dressed bundle of joy, it can almost be too much to handle.

Why can’t I lose the baby weight that fast?

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Her baby can already roll over? What am I doing wrong?

She’s working from home and has a newborn? I can barely make it through the day.

Her baby is already in a music class? I didn’t even know there was such a thing.

She coordinates her outfits with her baby? I can’t even find a clean pair of pants.

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Comparisons in Daily Life

Unfortunately, social media isn’t the only place we face comparisons. Going to social events or even church can also be an exercise in comparison.

I remember going to church and seeing other moms with babies and children that were all perfectly matched and feeling like I could never have it that together. Sunday mornings, for me, were always a struggle. I was always rushing around the house desperately trying to find outfits for the whole family that were at least semi-church worthy. We would then rush everyone out the door and argue all the way to church because I was, once again, exhausted and overwhelmed. So, the thought of having perfectly matched children with perfect hair was something I knew I could never achieve.

If we let ourselves, we can face these types of comparisons everywhere we go: birthday parties, shopping, the library, and even a simple trip to the park can make us feel like we’re not enough.

You Are Enough

I’m here to tell you what you’re feeling is normal, but the truth is you are not alone, and you are enough.

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You are enough even when you cry in the closet because you feel so overwhelmed.

You are enough even if your baby weight refuses to budge.

You are enough even if your baby isn’t reaching all of the milestones at the same rate as other babies.

You are enough if you choose to be a stay-at-home mom or a mom who works.

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You are enough even if you don’t have your baby in the latest class.

You are enough even if your clothes are stained because you were too busy to do laundry.

You are enough even if you haven’t showered in days.

You are enough.

Turning Comparisons Around

Even though I’m telling you that you are enough, you may still struggle with comparisons, so I’ve created a list of things you can do to help turn those comparisons around.

  1. Remember that social media is a facade. What you see on social media is either the best of their best days (although, there are a few moms who keep it real, and we love them for it!), or it’s staged for the perfect picture. You do not have to measure up to their supposed perfection because their supposed perfection is, at best, a brief moment in time.
  2. Remember that you are the perfect mother for your child. God didn’t give this child to anyone else – he gave him/her to you, and with God’s help, you can provide that child with everything he/she needs.
  3. Remember that your child loves you in spite of your imperfections. Your child doesn’t care if you have stretch marks or a jiggly stomach or back fat. Your child loves you and wants your love in return. It’s that simple. You can provide that love and care regardless of how you look in the mirror.
  4. Remember that this is a short season in life. I would have hated it if someone said this to me right after I had a baby, but I’m here to tell you, it’s true. This is a small snippet in your life that will be gone before you know it. Those dirty shirts and that messy hair will soon be gone just like the long nighttime cuddles, so don’t let your fear of not being enough take away from the precious moments you spend with your baby.
  5. Remember to focus on the positives. Did you finally get laundry done today after weeks of it piling it up? Pat yourself on the back. Did you remember to call your friend back? Be proud of your accomplishment instead of feeling guilty for forgetting so many times. Did you go grocery shopping with your baby? Congratulations! You’ve reached a new milestone. And, if the only thing that you did today was to keep your baby alive and fed – you did exactly what you needed to do. So, don’t beat yourself up about the house being dirty or the fact that you’re wearing milk covered yoga pants because each day that your child feels loved and nurtured is a winning day.

Being a mom is, honestly, the most important job you’ll ever have, but each child is unique so each mother must also be unique. So, if each of us must be unique to uniquely parent our unique child, how can we fairly or accurately compare ourselves to anyone else? The truth is – we can’t.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

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