Pregnancy After Miscarriage: My Rainbow Baby
My pregnancy following miscarriage.
by Jess Wartinger
Apr 11, 2017
I’ve been told that almost one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Unfortunately, my life became proof of that statistic.
My story began on a normal day. Up before the sun, I dropped my children off at the babysitter’s and headed to work. I was in my first trimester, pregnant with our third child, and finally beginning to feel some relief from ever-present nausea.
Just hours later I began spotting and rushed to the doctor. My worst fears were confirmed; our baby no longer had a heartbeat.
My experience of miscarriage had its own twists and turns. Complications, scary moments, and a profound sense of loss. What is it like to suffer a miscarriage? For me, it was a life-altering moment, separating the before from the after.
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Before my miscarriage, pregnancy was carefree and (almost) easy. After the miscarriage? That was a different story.
Pregnancy after Miscarriage
Having used fertility treatments to conceive our first two children, my third pregnancy was unexpected and shocking. Therefore, the loss of this baby invoked a multitude of questions. Not only why did this happen and did I do something to cause it but also will I be able to get pregnant again on my own and will I be strong enough to endure another pregnancy.
At the end of the storm comes a rainbow; even in the Bible, God sends a rainbow as His promise following the great flood. As I recovered, I determined that my story wasn’t done yet. I began to look for my rainbow; I hoped that there would be better days, that we would be blessed with another little one.
Only five months later, I again conceived.
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Having previously had normal and routine pregnancies, I was shocked to find myself a ball of anxiety. I constantly worried that I would go to the bathroom and be greeted by the sight of blood, that I would wake up to find myself in the process of miscarrying, or that I would be sitting on the exam table while the doctors worked feverishly to find a heartbeat. Every doctor’s appointment, pending ultrasound, or new aches and pains were enough to send me into a panic.
It was in the midst of this, my fourth pregnancy, I knew something needed to change. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and I just couldn’t survive much longer.
My Next Steps
During my 90-minute commute, I realized something:
Pregnancy after miscarriage was as much a mental game as it was a physical one.
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It required a conscious decision to not live in the land of "what if" and instead embrace the "we will".
We will take one day at a time. We will find the little miracles sprinkled around. We will, despite what happens, not only survive but thrive. We will.
I latched onto my faith, built deep relationships, and learned how to be vulnerable with those closest to me. I refocused my priorities, prepared to stay at home with my little ones instead of returning to work, and looked ahead to the future.
Sure, fears about the health of my baby returned. In the beginning, it was every day and sometimes multiple times a day. But with continued refocusing, it slowly spaced out to several times a week, and then even less than that.
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My Rainbow Baby
With my new mindset, the nine months flew. All of a sudden I was waiting for an overdue baby, making final preparations, and truly enjoying my last days of pregnancy.
On the night of his birth, a thunderstorm was approaching just as my rainbow made his fast and furious entrance. His cries were the sweetest sound after the rain, a blessing after our storm.
After nine months of placing this pregnancy into God’s hands, we decided to name our baby in a way that would celebrate his story. Isaac had arrived.
If you've celebrated a pregnancy after miscarriage, would you be willing to share part of your story below?
Jess Wartinger
Jess Wartinger resides in rural New York with her husband and five children. Formerly an early elementary teacher, Jess currently spends her time loving her kids and holding down the fort at home.
