Parenting is full of challenges that can be in-your-face reminders of what you want, and don’t have, at this time of life. Disappointment and powerlessness are strong feelings every mom experiences from time to time. They’re no fun and if we allow them, they’ll rule the roost and rob our confidence.

After we brought our third baby home from the hospital, I struggled with depression (driven by postpartum hormones), anxiety about the holes in my baby’s heart, and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy to meet the needs of my family as I had before.

My confidence had vanished.

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Eight weeks after giving birth, I stood in the shower, telling God all about it.

I’m so sick of crying. I’ve cried every day for the last two months, and I’m SICK of it. I can’t fix me. I can’t fix my family. I can’t fix Nathan. God….I need help."

I call that ten-minute episode "surrender in the shower". It was a turning point for me.

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Every mom wants to feel confident in her ability to raise children who live full and empowered lives. 

It’s normal for even the most capable moms to experience lapses in confidence. When life blindsides us losing our equilibrium is common. But the good news is, we can regain our confidence by anchoring ourselves in these truths:

YOU ARE THE BEST MOM FOR YOUR BABY

You are in a wonderful and stressful major life transition. When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed (as in the first several months of your baby’s life), it’s easy to question your capabilities, feel like you’re not good enough, and conclude that the mom assignment is beyond you.

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Wasn’t it Vince Lombardi who told his football team, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”? He was right! 

You are who you are by divine design, and you are uniquely gifted to raise your little one. Why not take advantage of this new season and ask yourself:

What kind of a person do I want to be able to offer my baby?

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Answers that quickly come to my mind are relaxed, engaged, alert, compassionate. Your answers will be unique to you. When you focus on this, you value who you are as a mom and can courageously take steps to meet your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. You can always invite God to lead and empower you to become the person you want to be. The best gift you can give your baby is a healthy you.

PRACTICE MAKES BETTER, NOT PERFECT

Confidence comes from competence. And competence comes as we push the edge of our comfort zones, and take risks to learn something new.

We used to tell our kids, “If you’re not making mistakes you’re probably not growing.” It’s true for adults as well.

Good mom’s make mistakes. Really, it’s OK.

You can’t expect yourself to be an expert right away. Each baby requires you to learn a new set of skills.

So, when the feeling of inadequacy rears its ugly head, quickly acknowledge what you are doing well, how far you’ve come, what you are learning, and perhaps some choices you’d like to make going forward.

Want to accelerate your learning curve? Connect with other healthy moms who are further down the parenting path. There’s nothing like knowing you’re not alone in the mom trenches to boost your confidence.



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Pam Vredevelt

Pam Vredevelt is a Professional Counselor and Coach, Best-selling author of Empty Arms, and the Empty Arms Journal. Jessie Vredevelt Schultz is a business consultant and transformation coach. They co-lead Healing Your Empty Arms: A transformation experience after the loss of your baby or child, for emotional healing, personal growth, and spiritual renewal.



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